


Journey's Beginning

by gutterbrat



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, F/M, What if the Hand turned into Nine instead of Ten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:10:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutterbrat/pseuds/gutterbrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story picks up during ‘Journey’s End’, while the TARDIS is the core of the Dalek Crucible, and Donna Noble touched the bio-receptacle containing the Doctor’s hand. It goes A/U immediately after.<br/>The Hand became Nine.5 instead of Ten.5. He’s just as dark, brooding and possessive of Rose as his Time Lord self had been, which creates a problem with the Tenth Doctor who's equally attracted to her. Rose isn't sure what's happened exactly, and finds herself torn between the two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not work safe, school safe, or child friendly. Thank you to tasogareban for being a fab beta, all errors are my own!

*   *   *   *  
  


Donna watched open-mouthed as the glowing form of a humanoid took shape on the floor of the TARDIS and slowly coalesced into the body of an unfamiliar man--a very naked one. She looked at the newly-formed creature, shocked when he leapt to his feet, shaking the sparkling residual energy from his body. “Who the bloody hell are you?” Her mouth was hanging open in shock. “What the hell just happened?”

  
“Oh don’t be stupid!” The man gave her a maniacal grin and leaned over to input the TARDIS de-materialization sequence, taking them out of the core of the Dalek Crucible. “My hand in the jar, filled with the extra regeneration energy I didn’t need. Then you touched it--here I am. Just in time to save you silly apes.” He stopped short. “Bloody hell, the Northern accent again!”

  
“So you’re…another Doctor?” She stared at him, taking in the piercing blue eyes and short dark hair that framed his dominant features and ears. “What is it with you Time Lords? Lop off a piece and grow another? You’re like worms, you are!”

  
“No, I’m unique, me.” He moved around the console, completely undisturbed that his naked body was now on open display in front of Donna, who was looking at him with piqued interest. “Instantaneous biological meta crisis.” A few quick flicks of the TARDIS controls took them far enough away from the Dalek Crucible to repair some of the more severe damage to the ship. “I’m him, maybe a bit of you thrown in.” He considered her briefly, then grimaced. “Don’t know how bad that’s gonna be. Might need an exorcism.”  
  
“Oi! Naked space man!” She put her hands on her hips, glaring pointedly below his waist. “Better be careful who you insult with your bits hanging out like that!”  
  
  
“Humans.“ He snorted. “Try and restrain yourself.” He moved so the console was safely back between them. “We’re practically related now.” He stopped and thought about it for a moment, pressing a hand to his chest. “One heart? But that means…  _I’m…._  human! I regenerated into an ape! Could it get any worse?” 

  
Donna narrowed her eyes at the blue eyed stranger, and he held up both his hands recognizing the threat she conveyed silently. “Gonna get some clothes,” he backed away from her. “I’ve got work to do, planets to rescue, universe to save…”

  
He made his way hastily to the wardrobe room, stopping to look at himself in the full-length mirror. “Bloody hell!” The face that stared back at him was a shock. Instead of seeing deep brown eyes and thick tawny hair, his face featured prominent ears and blue eyes. “You are  _kidding_  me!” He stopped short at the sound of Donna’s favorite expression coming out of his mouth in a Northern accent, and immediately vowed to never say  _that_ again. His thoughts then turned to Rose and he touched his now-unfamiliar face, shaking his head. What would she think? Now there were two of him, one of each version she’d known. How was this ever going to work? And which one would she prefer? He was terribly afraid it wouldn’t be him.

  
Quickly he shoved the unsettling thoughts from his mind and ran his hands over his chest and hips. Yes. He had not only the looks of his Ninth self, but the greater size and weight as well. Wouldn’t be hard to figure out what to wear then, not that he really cared. Moving past the racks of coats and wildly colored apparel, he went to the farthest racks….and yes. Just there where he’d left them. Quickly he pulled on a pair of jeans and winced, yanking them back off and went searching for a pair of briefs. He’d forgotten how rough denim could be against the bare skin, or maybe it was just this new body? Were humans more sensitive to skin chafing? Had he ever even noticed it before?  
  
  
After a few moments he’d suited up and returned to the console room, where Donna waited for him. She looked him up and down, taking in the jumper, jeans, and leather jacket. She watched him as he pulled up the floor grates and crawled down to work on the damaged TARDIS without a word to her.   
  
“So…” she finally broke the silence after a few minutes, “if you’re the Doctor, why do you look like that?”  
  
“Like what?” He swung himself back up out of the floor easily and pilfered through the console until he found a spare sonic screwdriver.

  
She watched him disappear back into the floor. “The hair…” she wandered over and peeked down at him. “The real Doctor’s nothing like you. He’s kind of fluffy and pretty. You’re kind of…rough and Northern-sounding. Big ears too. ”  
  
  
“Oi! Donna, I am the Doctor, it’s still me no matter what I look like!” He glanced up at her, annoyed. “Metacrisis from my hand!” He waved it at her. “My newly regenerated hand from my last regeneration. Old me, current me-it could have gone either way! This situation calls for a soldier and my Ninth form was much more a soldier than my Tenth.” He began stripping and cutting wires, rapidly determining the most important repairs to complete before going back to the Crucible. “Don’t have time for you to sit ‘round holding a summit. Quit the chatter and hand me a spanner!”

  
*   *   *   *  
  
  
When the TARDIS rematerialized back inside the Crucible, it was a relatively short period of time before the Daleks were neutralized and the misplaced planets returned where they belonged. The shock of being hit by the energy blast, and seeing Rose in danger made it seem excruciatingly long though. Thankfully the newly formed Doctor didn’t have time to worry about Rose’s reaction to him while they were still on the Crucible, and when the opportunity came to destroy the Dalek fleet he didn’t hesitate. They were Daleks, would destroy anything and everything if left to survive. He almost relished destroying them if the truth were to be told. He pulled the lever, and felt a wave of fury from the other Doctor’s mind sweep over him when he realized what he’d done.

  
There was no time for them to do anything but run back to the TARDIS and make their escape, the alien ships exploding around them as she de-materialized. He felt the weight of the original Doctor’s anger in the back of his mind and he looked up to find him watching him. Their eyes met across the TARDIS console after the group piloted the Earth out of the Medusa Cascade and back home.

  
The new Doctor ignored the anger of the other though, and moved over to Rose, bumping her shoulder. “Hey.” He couldn’t hold back the wide smile that stretched across his face as he took her hand, touching her for the first time.

  
She grinned back, still unsure of what it meant to have two Doctors in the TARDIS, but unable to resist the flood of emotion that came with seeing his face again. “I don’t know how it’s you…” she launched herself into his arms and clung tightly to him, “but it  _is_ you isn’t it?”

  
“Yes, it is.” He held her close for a long moment, savoring the feel of her and only releasing her when his human body reacted quite noticeably. “Still the Doctor. Run for your life?” He squeezed her hand and searched her eyes.

  
“How’s this going to work?” She looked back and forth uncertainly between him and the Doctor in pin-stripes. “Both of you in the TARDIS?”  
  
  
“Makes me want to sign back on,” Jack interrupted, leaning in from behind Rose, kissing her on the cheek and pulling her back against him. “You and  _two_ Doctors? It’s the stuff of my wildest fantasies.” He gave the new Doctor a look that positively dripped with his patented Harkness-sensuality.

  
The new Doctor ignored the Captain, instead glaring at his familiarity with Rose. “Always wanting to play with fire.“ He gave him a pointed look, silently warning him away from his old companion. “Dangerous fantasy, that.”

  
“But I’d die happy, over and over again.” Jack smiled raunchily. “And you’re just like I remember. Still have the same ‘hands off the blonde attitude’. This is almost too much for me. C’mere.” He released Rose and gave the Doctor a long, lingering hug. “I missed you.”

  
The Doctor let him hug him for a moment then stepped back as Jack’s hands began to wander down where they didn’t belong. “I’m the same as him.” he nodded over where the pinstriped Doctor pretended not to watch them. “Only missing a few minutes of memories is all. Just got my old face.”

  
“The old everything if I’m not mistaken,” Jack said flirtatiously with a wink. “If you give me a few minutes I’d be more than happy to check out the rest of you.”

  
“Jack, we’re coming to your stop!” The Doctor on the other side of the console interrupted loudly, throwing him an irritated look that was remarkably similar to the one the Doctor in leather had given him.

  
The new Doctor turned away as Rose hugged Jack tightly, moving over to Mickey and Sarah Jane. “Ricky.“ He nodded at the man. “You’ve come a long way since the Powell Estates and plastic dummies. Good work back there.“ He almost cracked a grin at the look on the other man’s face.

  
“It’s Mickey,“ he said in a long-suffering tone. “And you’ve come a long way too. Never thought I’d see those ears again.“  
  
  
  
“Oi! Lay off the ears, Ricky boy!“ This time the human Doctor did grin, with a fondness not missed by the younger man. “And Sarah Jane,“ He turned to her and took her hands in his, stroking his thumbs over them. “My Sarah Jane.”

  
She looked up at him, taking in his new features, but concentrating on his eyes. “It really  _is_ you.” She smiled warmly after a moment, recognizing the ancient man housed in the new body. “Quite a bit different from the other versions I’ve known, but still the same man.”

  
“Do I need to apologize for Croyden in this form too? C’mere.” He pulled her close for a long hug. He felt the Time Lord watching him but took his time releasing her. “Still my Sarah Jane.” He kept hold of her hands, as the TARDIS began rumbling in her re-materialization sequence around them.

  
In the flurry of goodbyes that followed amongst the others, the new Doctor slipped off through the TARDIS, losing himself in the maze of corridors. He made his way to a room that was hidden away, where he could take stock of everything that had happened and hopefully pull himself together.  
  
  
Orange skies and deep red grass greeted him, and he closed his eyes for a moment letting himself believe he was really back home on Gallifrey. A deep sadness filled him and he strode over to throw himself down at the base of a silver-leafed tree. In his mind he could feel the other Doctor’s anger towards him…and something else. He tested the link between them, realizing that the other had no intention of allowing him to stay. He closed his eyes, pressing harder, and felt the other’s mental shields slam up, blocking him out. He sat still for long moments, clenching and unclenching his fists. It wasn’t hard to guess that he intended to drop him off somewhere, taking Rose and the TARDIS with him.

  
_'Over my dead, cold body!’_

_  
_ He savagely flung the thought back at the other Doctor. He shoved himself up, and walked deeper into the room, anger and loneliness threatening to overcome him. He didn’t belong, was definitely being rejected by his Time Lord self. He wasn’t of Earth, wasn’t of Gallifrey, he belonged nowhere and even his own body felt foreign to him. He began to run testing it out, and found himself getting winded much sooner than he’d expected. Damned human body, single-hearted and frail, no respiratory bypass…

  
He kept running, his anger brewing as he catalogued the differences, the weaknesses that he felt plagueing him now. He finally slowed, knowing he’d run the circumference of the room many times, but the TARDIS had changed the appearance as he’d moved, giving him the feeling of having traveled a long distance. “Thanks old girl,” he whispered, then became aware of the presence of the original Doctor as he entered the room.

  
He moved to face him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can hear your mind, I know what you’re thinking.” He gave him a moody stare. “What’s it to be?”

  
The other Doctor avoided his eyes, looking into the distance. “We’ve left Earth, starting the journey back to the parallel world.” His shoulders were taut with tension. “You…you’re unpredictable, dangerous. I can’t take you with me.”

  
“Knew that’s what you’d say.” The new Doctor pulled off his leather jacket and let it drop to the ground, uncomfortably sweaty after his run. “You’re pissed off that I made a decision without consulting you.”  
  
  
“You may have come from me, but you didn’t handle that situation the way I would have!” The original Doctor raked his hand through his hair and began to pace. “ You killed an entire race without even a second thought!” He turned and stopped, this time meeting his eyes directly. “You gave no thought to any other possibility, any other outcome, you just killed them all!” He jammed his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “And you did it without any thought to the people with us! What if the TARDIS hadn’t been able to get us out in time before the whole place went up? You‘d have been responsible for killing everyone!”

  
“Oh don’t give me that! I repaired the TARDIS myself. I knew we‘d escape.” The other Doctor’s voice raised and his accent became even stronger. “They were Daleks! You’d have done the same damn thing! You have! That fleet could have wiped out half the universe even without the Reality Bomb!”  
  
  
“No.” The Tenth Doctor’s eyes were hard and cold. “You may be part Time Lord, but you’re also part human and acting with the impulses of one. I can’t be responsible for letting you loose in this universe. I won’t take you with me. I won‘t risk it.”

  
“The TARDIS is as much mine as yours!” The new Doctor felt anger consume him and wanted to strike out at the other. He strode over to him and stopped inches from him, fury radiating from him. “And I’ve as much right to Rose too. Maybe more now.” He glared in open challenge, his blue eyes fiery with barely-suppressed emotion. “Human now, me! I won’t push her away like we did before!”

  
“No, I don’t imagine you would.” A look of intense sadness washed over the Tenth Doctor’s face. He finally shook his head and straightened to his full height. “But Rose isn’t some sort of prize to be fought over, and neither is the TARDIS. You’re not Gallifreyan, you only have whatever is left of the lifespan of that human body. The TARDIS needs an actual Time Lord. That‘s not you.” His words weren’t meant to be unkind; if anything there was a hint of apology in them.

  
The new Doctor was silent, his anger deflating somewhat with a sick acknowledgement of the truth in the other‘s words. He shivered, suddenly feeling chilled by more than the lower temperature in the room. He cursed the human body he’d been stuck with, and shrugged back into his leather coat. “What d’you mean to do?” His tone was rough, and he shoved his hands in his pockets to hide the clenching of his fists.

  
“Well,” the brown-eyed Doctor tugged his ear and looked up at the ‘sky’. “That’s a problem. I can’t take you with me, you’d probably end up destroying any aliens we met before giving them a chance to speak. I can’t leave you alone either, not until you’ve acclimated to your new body and had a chance to work through some of that anger you’re projecting all over the place.” He paused and shook his head. “You’ve got the fuse of a human and the knowledge of a Time Lord. You’re quite possibly the most dangerous being in the universe right now, Rassilon help us all.”  
  
“Who are you to bloody decide what I am?" The new Doctor hissed taking several steps away. “Don’t give me your ‘Almighty Time Lord’ speech! I **was** you not long ago!”

  
“But you’re not now.” The Doctor said quietly, looking at him with pity. “So much knowledge, so much experience and all packed into that so-human body.”

  
The man in leather saw red at the slight. “ **Sod off**!” He strode back to him, breathing heavily as he battled futilely to hold back his temper. “I might have come from you, but don’t you _dare_ look down on me!” Turning on his heel, he slammed his hand hard against the wall, then stormed out of the room.

  
* * * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU from the end of the episode Journey's End. The hand turns into the Ninth Doctor instead of the Tenth. Things don't go well between Ten and Nine, and Rose wants to know if the Tenth Doctor is ready to finish what he started telling her at Bad Wolf Bay....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to tasogareban for the beta work, all mistakes are my own. This fic is completely written, I'm just posting it the same way it was posted on Live Journal for the Sisters of Guh End of Summer Smut-a-thon.

*    *    *    *  
  
  
 Rose settled Jackie into a spare bedroom to catch some sleep while they traveled back to the parallel universe. She was bursting with happiness over the way things had turned out and was more than a little intrigued by the possibilities. Not only had she found the Doctor and helped save both universes, but by some miracle another Doctor had appeared with the same look and intensity of her first. Science, the Doctor had corrected her when she‘d said it, but she didn’t care what it was. She’d loved her brooding Doctor with the intense blue eyes and chiseled features. It had felt like the world was ending when he‘d exploded into a shower of energy, and she’d never quite recovered from losing him. Yes, she loved the gorgeous Doctor who’d taken his place, but a part of her heart was reserved for the other Time Lord, the one who’d first melted her heart with his intensity and protectiveness.

  
She wandered into the library, finding her slim, dark-haired Doctor reading, a stack of discarded books around him. “There you are,” she stood in the doorway, feeling somewhat shy for the first time. ‘I wondered where you’d gone. I missed you.” She hovered there for a minute uncertainly, wishing she dared to just throw herself in his arms again.

  
“I needed to do a bit of research, looking for answers to this impossible situation.” He closed the book he was reading and set it on a low table beside him. “Not having a lot of luck.” He pulled his glasses off and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

  
Rose sat down beside him, staring at him intently.

  
“What?” He felt slightly self-conscious under her close scrutiny.

  
“I missed you, so much. I was afraid I’d never find you.” She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “But here we are. Me, with you. Back together again.”

  
“Here we are,” the Doctor echoed absently, his mind far away. He sighed, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin against her forehead. “All three of us.”  
  
  
“Doctor…what’s going to happen? With the new Doctor I mean?” She looked up at him, feeling uncertain when she saw his expression become shuttered. “I know you’re angry at him.”

  
“Haven’t quite decided yet.” He stirred restlessly. “He can’t be left alone, but he’s too dangerous to travel with.”

  
“So…what does that mean? You’re not going to take him with you?” Rose leaned back and stared up at him. “You can’t just leave him!”

  
“I don’t know, Rose.” He avoided her eyes. “My first responsibility is to the universe, there‘s no one else but me to tend to it. I have to think of that before anything else. It’s just the way it is.” He stopped, seeing her eyes suddenly fill with hurt, but not sure why.

  
“That’s pretty cold,” she said quietly, pretending she was only reacting to his statement on behalf of the human Doctor. “He came from you, he’s part of you.”

  
“Yes he is.” The Doctor replied. “He is me in every way but one. He’s almost a full human and isn’t ready to handle everything that’s packed into that mind of his. He’s so angry, so quick to decide what’s right, despite the cost.” He sighed and tightened his arms around Rose. “He was born in battle, he’s a soldier and acts and reacts like one.”

  
“Reminds me of someone,” she tilted her head back, smiling faintly. “Sounds like you when we first met, and I think you turned out all right.”

  
“Exactly.” He sighed wearily. “But that was so long ago. Things have changed so much since then. He‘s a throw back that was created specifically for that situation.” Lifting her chin, he looked into her eyes. “Where would I have been without you, Rose Tyler?” Slowly, carefully, he pressed his lips to hers, just for a moment. He laid his forehead against hers, eyes still closed. “You are  _my_ Rose.” He held her tightly then released her, moisture shining faintly in his eyes. “I am who I am now, because of you.”  
  
  
She looked up at him, touching her fingers to her lips. “You know I love you Doctor, that’s not ever gonna change.” She waited, needing for him to finally tell her his feelings openly. She’d traveled through what seemed like endless universes searching for him, single-minded in her goal. She’d focused only on returning to him, imagining a passionate reunion so many times that the reality was so far proving to be less than she‘d hoped.

  
“I know.” He felt her waiting for him to continue, to say the words he hadn’t said at the beach on Bad Wolf Bay. He opened his mouth then closed it. The words were sticking in his throat and he wasn’t able to force them out. After all this time, he still couldn’t say the three words that were so important to her and he cursed himself for it.

  
Rose felt disappointment pool in her stomach. “I worked so hard to find you again, Doctor. I thought maybe…we’d have more than we did before.” She looked up at him hopefully, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  
“Rose….I need to check our course.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Once we get close to the Void things are going to start getting rough.”  
  
  
“Doctor, wait.” She took his hands in hers. “What you started to tell me in the parallel world, y’know when you got cut off.” Her voice was steady, even if her eyes were a bit pleading. “Are you ever going to be able to finish it?”

  
“Oh Rose…” he squeezed her hands for a long moment. “Does it need saying?” He gazed at her sadly, silently urging her to understand. “My feelings for you, they’re still the same, whether I say it or not. Nothing will change between us.”

  
She felt a chill run through her, wondering if that meant his actionstowards her were never going to change either. It had been  _so long_  since she’d been loved by a man, and the Doctor didn’t seem to be moving things in that direction. “But…our relationship,” she moved closer to him, her meaning clear on her face. “Is this going to change?” She gathered up all her nerve and kissed him, her heart leaping when his lips moved under hers, responding for just a moment. “Oh Doctor,” her breath came out in a whisper, hope flooding through her. “Please…”

  
“I can’t, I‘m sorry.“ The Doctor admittedly  _was_  tempted by her, but he could feel Donna and the new Doctor‘s minds, and knew he hadto monitor them both closely. He cleared his throat, gently untangling himself from Rose. “I can’t…have to go and check…“ He stood up hastily, trying to ignore the look of hurt on her face. “Right. Check our course.” He turned and gestured in the direction of the console room. “Maybe you can find our new human? He’s feeling pretty lost at the moment, and I know you’re good with that.” He left hurriedly, wishing he had more time to explain things to her fully.

  
Rose watched him leave the room then sank back down on the couch, wanting to cry with embarrassment. Moving over to the heavy oak stand where she knew housed the hyper vodka and other ‘good’ liquor, she poured herself a stiff drink. The heat of the liquor offset the burn of her cheeks, and helped numb the rejected feeling. She topped off her glass and sat back down to give herself a pep talk. _‘You’re not nineteen anymore for God’s sake. You’re a highly respected Torchwood agent, and earned that respect!_ ’  
  
  
It might take some time, but the Doctor would realize that the young girl had grown up, toughened up and wasn’t the same person anymore. At least she hoped he would. A few years either way was nothing to him, but it felt like a lifetime to her. Rose tapped her fingernail against her glass, trying to put things into perspective.

  
Maybe she  _was_  taking this too hard, pushing for too much too fast, but she’d never been in a situation like this. Normally she’d have to scrape a bloke off her, not the other way around. She tried to make sense of it all, his words, the kiss he‘d given her….oh, that kiss. The kiss she‘d dreamt about for so long and never thought she‘d get. But it was mixed with her disappointment that he couldn’t tell her he loved her, even though he knew she needed to hear it more than anything else. Was it possible that the only time he could even come close to voicing his feelings was when he thought they’d be separated forever? Maybe ‘I love you’ was something he was only willing to say when there’d be no chance of further expectations?   
  
  
Rose was also terribly unsettled by his words that the universe always had to come first. Truthfully, she’d expected that when they were together again things would progress quickly beyond what they‘d had. She’d hoped they’d become lovers and maybe even down the line, have some children together. He’d said his feelings for her wouldn‘t change, but that obviously relegated her to second place after the rest of the universe. What if they had a child together? Surely the universe wouldn’t come first then? She was older now, things like marriage and having a family of her own were becoming increasingly more important to her. Watching her Mum and Pete fall in love and have her brother Tony in the other universe had awakened new feelings in her. She’d spent so much time imagining when she’d find the Doctor again, falling into his arms and how things would magically unfold.

  
In her very detailed dreams, he’d told her hundreds of times the depth of his love, how he hadn’t been able to live without her. She’d definitely indulged in too many human fantasies, and it had possibly given her unrealistic expectations. In this harsh light of reality, she was realizing she might have to compromise her own desires and accept him for what he was able to give. Rose drained the contents of her glass, thinking, but not coming to a satisfactory conclusion. There was never an easy answer where the Doctor was concerned, so why had she ever thought it would be as simple as just finding him again?

  
Admittedly, he hadn’t been speaking about her when he said the universe had to come first, but how much of a difference was there? The new Doctor was him, and the Time Lord was able to dismiss him so easily. Didn’t the Doctor see that he had a responsibility to him as well? She’d felt such strong feelings towards the other, the effect of that much-loved face effectively breaking down any reservation that she should have possibly had. It was so confusing and emotional for her, and if she were honest, deep in her heart she wanted them both.   
  
  
Belatedly Rose recalled the Doctor’s request that she look in on her new-old Doctor, and pushed herself up to find him. He had been markedly absent for awhile and she wondered what he was up to. “Where is he?” She murmured to the TARDIS, laying her hand against the wall, and immediately was enveloped in a warm feeling of love. Maybe the Doctor couldn’t tell her how he felt but his ship certainly could. “I missed you too, so very much…” she stroked the wall lightly, then headed off in the direction of the room that the TARDIS projected in her mind.

  
*   *   *   *  
  
  
The newly-formed Doctor burned off his anger away from the others, calming down enough to consider the facts carefully. He concluded that it was time to plan and make decisions for himself, rather than let his other self do it, effectively taking any and all choice from him. He knew what was going to happen, and also knew there was no way to change it. Even if the original Doctor was willing to share the TARDIS, he’d be expected to take second place and defer to the other, and that was something he wouldn’t do.   
 

  
Even though he had his memories all the way up to being shot by the Dalek and the not-quite regeneration, something had changed radically for him. Not only had he woken up inside the form of his Ninth self, but he felt like he‘d slipped back into that psyche as well. There‘d been no choice but to act when faced with the size of the Dalek fleet--even without the reality bomb they‘d have been able to subjugate everything they touched. He had all the feelings and memories of his Tenth self, but maybe the circumstances of his creation had changed him more than he cared to admit. His mind worked differently, seeing situations and culling the important factors out with a quick, military precision. Do what had to be done for the good of the many. Truly no second chances.

  
The best he could do now was to prepare himself for a future that didn‘t include his beloved ship. The acceptance of that fact filled him with such a pained sorrow that he couldn’t face the thought, and instead busied himself to avoid it. He moved on automatic pilot to the wardrobe room, finding a duffel with the bigger-on-the-inside capacity, and tossed in clothes and necessities. Where ever he ended up, he wasn’t going to be bothered with the details of procuring basic essentials.  
  
  
Next he made his way to the parts storage room, picking and choosing carefully to find every part necessary for rebuilding the technology he‘d need in the future. It took quite some time to make his way through the TARDIS and find everything he wanted but in the end he was satisfied. He’d be ready no matter where or when he parted company with the Time Lord, and most important, he’d be immediately self-sufficient.  
  
  
The new Doctor ended up back in the original Doctor’s bedroom, remembering one more thing he needed. Psychic paper…and there was some of that in the heavy desk that spread across most of one wall. Finally, as prepared as he could be, he secured the bag, then dropped across the bed and allowed his thoughts to turn to Rose.

  
His heart ached at the thought of losing her, but he was certain he would. He didn’t have a TARDIS to offer her, and it would be years at best before he’d manage a way to travel again. And some quirk of fate had given him his old face, all sharp angles and so much-less-than-handsome in his eyes. Rose had a definite taste for pretty boys, and he wondered if he’d lost her in his Ninth form, would she have worked nearly so hard to return to him? The answer was obvious to him, and he pushed the depressing thought away, focusing instead of the memory of holding her against him earlier that day.

  
She was so soft, so warm. Wrapping her in his arms had been like coming home, finally finding the one place he truly belonged after wandering for an eternity. But, he reminded himself, Rose wasn’t his, and would never be his. Loneliness was a stifling blanket and he stretched his mind out to the TARDIS, reaching for comfort from her. It wasn’t much longer and he’d dropped off to sleep, partly from the stress of his first day of life, and the rest from the limitations of his human body.

 

*   *    *    *    *


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The metacrisis became a duplicate of the Ninth doctor, instead of the Tenth. He's just as dark and possessive of Rose as his Time Lord self had been, and is determined to win her for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****The story wanders into 'Mature' waters here.

Rose made her way through the TARDIS, feeling the soft happy song of the ship in her mind. She entered the Doctor’s bedroom quietly, finding the new Doctor asleep in just his jeans and shirt sleeves. His face was relaxed in slumber, and it was something she wasn’t sure she’d ever witnessed in the past. Just as before, she was overcome with a sense of longing when she studied him. It had been so long since she’d seen him and he’d been taken away so suddenly. She was sorry he was asleep, even though it gave her a chance to study him. How different was he from her current Doctor? How similar was he to her first Doctor? What would she be to him? What would they be to each other?

 

She sat next to the bed for awhile, wishing he was awake. It was terribly tempting to climb in next to him, but she wasn’t sure if she should. He was, as she understood it, a human regeneration of the Doctor. That fact aside, she wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. He behaved and carried himself like her first Doctor, and when he’d looked at her she’d felt like she was the only person in the room. He had made no attempt to hide his feelings, and despite how quickly he’d backed away from her, she’d felt the very human response to his body pressed against hers. A very male response that she’d never experienced from the Doctor as a Time Lord, no matter what body he’d been in. She’d been thinking about that since it had happened, wondering…

 

A hand stroked gently through her hair and she started, looking up to find the new Doctor watching her intently. “Hey,” she smiled, feeling her somewhat bruised heart melt at the intense look in his blue eyes. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

 

“Don’t want to waste a second sleeping while you’re still near.” His voice was soft and she had to strain to catch his words. “Lie down with me?” He moved over and patted the space next to him.

 

Rose didn’t hesitate, climbing up next to him and kicking off her shoes. She laid down and immediately found herself enfolded in his arms and settled against his chest. No matter what the confusion was in her mind, her body was reacting and wanted to accept him immediately. She closed her eyes and almost moaned aloud at finally feeling totally safe, wanted and secure. “I missed you in this body.” She admitted, unable to stop herself, the liquor loosening her tongue. “I always wanted more from you before...I was always afraid you‘d say no.”

 

His arms tightened around her, and he tried to keep his tone from being too emotional. “Whatever you want from me Rose, it’s yours.” He kissed her forehead, then grimaced, realizing his body was making certain demands. “Sorry. Need to…” He scrambled over her. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back, damned human body…” A few moments later, after relieving himself and a quick brushing of teeth, he climbed back into the bed, reclaiming his spot beside her. “Suppose I’m gonna have to get used to that. Human bodies seem to need a lot more upkeep than Gallifreyan ones.”

 

“So…” she settled back into his arms, her face pressed against his jumper-clad chest. “Is it gonna be ok? Being human I mean.”

 

“It has to be, doesn’t it.” He worked hard to keep any bitterness from his tone. “Not going to change.”

 

“But,” she chose her words carefully, “what’s it like for you? What’s the last thing you remember as him, and the first thing you remember as you?” She moved her fingers over the wool under her cheek, tracing the hard muscles underneath. There was something about this Doctor that banished any thought of shyness and she let her hand wander freely.

 

“Last thing I remember is you all helping me into the TARDIS.” The Doctor was very aware of the movement of Rose’s hand over his chest and wished he’d taken off his jumper so he could feel her touching his bare skin. “Umm…” he tried to concentrate on answering her question, but his new body was just so much more sensitive! “I knew I was going to regenerate, I could feel the burn starting.” He was quiet for a moment, remembering. “Next thing, I was on the floor of the TARDIS, alarms ringing, smoke pouring from the console. It was so crazy I didn’t even realize I’d turned into an ape at first.” His chuckle contained a glimmer of genuine humor. “You can imagine how shocked I was when I went to get dressed and looked in the mirror. Human and I’d reverted to an earlier form.”

 

“So you were naked when you regenerated?” Rose immediately latched onto that fact, pulling back a little and looking him up and down. “And Donna was right there. With you. Naked. Blimey.”

 

“Haven’t yet found any race yet that’s born with clothes, Rose.” He noted how thoroughly she looked him over and wondered what she was thinking. “Naked wasn’t a shock to me. Big ears and daft face was though.”

 

“I love that face!” She protested and placed her hand on his cheek.

 

“Not near so pretty as I was…am…as the other me.” He sighed and rubbed her arm. “You know, when I regenerated, I tried to make myself as attractive for you as possible. I didn’t have any control this time.”

 

“I’d rather you came back to me this way. Can you imagine having two of the other version of you?” She leaned up, very aware how close her face was to his. “I love this face, and I loved this you.”

 

“I’ve loved you, Rose, from almost the moment we met.” His eyes searched her face, trying to burn her features into his mind so sharply that they’d never fade in his memory. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before, I really am. I love you in a way I never thought I’d love anyone again.” He chuckled without humor this time. “The other me can thank me for finally telling you that.”

 

Rose’s throat tightened up, shock rendering her almost light-headed. She couldn’t help but think of her pin-striped Doctor who couldn’t force the words out, and might never. “You…love me.” She repeated in shock. “But what about…what about the universe and all that coming first?”

 

“The universe can go hang,” he murmured firmly. “Nothing’s more important to me now than you.” Her face was so close to him, and he ached to kiss her but couldn’t quite cross that line. He knew she loved the other Doctor passionately, even though the Time Lord hadn’t returned that passion as of yet. He felt her breath quicken at his words, her mouth so achingly close to his.

 

Rose hesitated, but only for a moment. This was what she’d hoped for, dreamed of, and there was no way she was going to let it slip through her fingers. She sensed his restraint, but had no problem taking matters in her own hands and kissed him, pressing herself into him hungrily. “Oh Doctor,” she whispered when she finally broke the kiss. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear this? I didn’t think I ever would.”

 

“D’you know how many times I tried to tell you and couldn‘t? Those words for a Gallifreyan are a life-long promise to a mate.” He pulled her lips down to his again, wondering briefly at the alcohol he could taste on her, then dismissed it because his body was reacting so strongly. “Still means the same thing to me, but amazing how easy it is to say now.” He kissed her harder, opening his mouth wider when her tongue traced his lips. Ohhh…so this was why humans always seemed to want to taste each other so intimately when they kissed.

 

His brain shut down as he followed Rose’s lead, tracing his tongue over her lips and venturing inside her mouth. Without thinking, he rolled them so he was lying on top of her and began rocking his hips into hers instinctively. The sensations from his groin were so consuming, so intense that he was afraid he’d finish right then and there. He pulled back, gasping at the overwhelming need to push further, experience more of her. Guiltily he realized how far he’d crossed over the line, rubbing himself against her for his own pleasure. “’m sorry, Rose.” He forced himself off her and laid down, leaving space between them. “Didn’t mean to…just couldn’t help it.” The Doctor slung one arm over his eyes and concentrated on his breathing, trying to calm down and will away his ragingly hard erection.

 

Rose sat up confused, her blood racing and her own body clamoring for the delicious friction he’d been creating against her. “Doctor,” she lifted his arm off his eyes, “it’s OK, it’s better than OK.”

 

“No.” His jaw worked, and he turned his eyes away from her. “It’s not. We’ve never done this before. I didn’t expect such a….I could barely control myself.”

 

“You said you loved me,” her voice was faint. “All we were doing was kissing and touching. Maybe I didn’t want you to stop.”

 

“I do love you, so much it makes it hard to breathe.” He finally focused his eyes on her, full of both passion and pain. “But I don’t think I can trust myself to keep touching you. I want to make love to you here and now, I’m aching to take you and it wouldn‘t be gentle. I doubt I’d be able to even hold back enough to give you any pleasure.” He made the admission shamefully, cursing how quickly his ape-body reacted to any stimulation. “You’re not mine, it’s not right.”

 

Rose felt her sex respond violently to his words, and whatever reservations she might have had went up in a puff of super-heated smoke. “I love you, and you love me.” She said. “Makes it right in my book.” She slid her hand under his jumper, caressing the muscles underneath and feeling them twitch in response. A moment later she pulled the jumper off, following the path her hand had taken with her lips. He placed his hands on her shoulders, then her back, seeming not to know what to do with them. When she opened her mouth and trailed her tongue over his chest, he gasped and jerked, sure he would explode if she didn’t stop.

 

“Rose…” he groaned, dimly aware of the presence of the Time Lord suddenly at the edge of his mind. “Oh Rassilon, I never dreamed it could be like this!” When her hand slid down to cup him through his jeans, his hips shot off the bed. “We shouldn’t do this…we have to stop!”

 

“Don’t want to,” she murmured, noticing that even though he was protesting, he made no move to stop her. She unfastened his zipper to reveal briefs that molded against his straining cock, and felt moisture flooding between her thighs. “Why,” she rested her hand delicately on his erection, exploring him lightly with her fingernails, “would you think we have to stop?”

 

“Bloody hell, Rose!” He swore, arching up and grinding against her hand in spite of himself. “We can’t because you aren’t mine to take!”

 

Rose considered his words for a full three seconds, then set to work pulling his jeans and pants down. “I’ve been alone in that parallel world for years, Doctor, years! I want you to know I never touched another man, no matter how much I needed one sometimes.” She finally had him naked, and felt herself almost melting at the sight of his achingly hard cock. “Maybe I don’t have all the answers to this situation yet, but you’re the Doctor-- both of you have said so!” She pulled off her t-shirt, tossing it only god-knew-where. “Even if you hadn’t told me you‘re both the same man I‘d have figured it out. You‘re the only two men I‘ve ever known that resist sexuality like the universe would end if you didn‘t!” She unfastened her bra, letting it slip off her arms as he watched. “I know you want me, I want you and I’m tired of playing games and denying it!”

 

Quickly she yanked off her jeans and straddled him, sliding over him to let him feel how wet and ready she was for him. “Please…I’ll stop if you really don’t want me.” Rose squeezed him a little tighter between her thighs, forcing a strangled groan from him. “But right now, I just want this. I want you.” Carefully she positioned herself over him, feeling him right at her entrance. She watched him closely, then slid down on him, taking him inside her little by little.

 

“Oh….!!” The rest of the string of words that fell from the Doctor’s mouth were in another language and the TARDIS didn’t translate. He felt like he’d just been pulled inside a super nova and struggled to keep from exploding immediately. Her body was so hot and wet around his, he lost whatever small sliver of control he’d been clinging to. This was heaven, a paradise he could have never imagined. Roughly he pulled her down to him and kissed her hard, bruising her lips as he shoved his hips upwards desperately. The all-consuming need that curled in his stomach made him wrench upwards again with no rhythm or finesse. All he could do was react to the tightening heat of Rose’s body around him, and the rapidly growing pleasure that threatened to spiral out of control.

 

“Doctor,” Rose finally broke the kiss, overwhelmed by the storm she‘d unleashed in him. Her body was so tight around his and she could barely hold herself back, it had been too long... “Slow down, ‘s gonna be over way too soon…” She clung to him, trying to balance as he pounded up into her awkwardly.

 

“Can’t!” He groaned, kissing her and held her hips still so he could thrust harder and deeper. “Warned you. Can’t stop…” he strained against her, trying to capture the explosion he knew wasn’t far off. “Please…can’t help it…” He bucked wildly, and she slid her hand hurriedly down between her legs to create the extra bit of friction she needed, recognizing the strain that was stamped across his face. With a muffled shout, he dug his feet in, raising his lower half completely off the bed while slamming her down onto him. The exploding pleasure seemed to short out the rest of his senses, and he was only dimly aware when Rose’s body tightened convulsively around his. She cried out her release, and he held her to him with an iron grip, hoping he hadn’t disappointed her. She curled up on him as he whispered words of love, wishing with all his heart he didn’t have to let her go.

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, the Time Lord Doctor was in the console room, checking their route and monitoring the rift activity to calculate how much time he had in which to complete the circuitous trip across the Void and back to Earth. Donna sat in the jump seat chattering away, some of which he was half-listening to, but he kept his mental guard down enough to be aware of the human Doctor as well.

 

“This is great, fantastic, fabulous, molto bene, best thing since bananas and sliced bread,” she leaned back against the seat, swinging her legs idly. “Not that bananas and sliced bread are two things you’d immediately think to put together, at least not without peanut butter. Not a fan of peanut butter though, gets all stuck on the roof of your mouth, makes it hard to talk.“ Donna smiled brightly, totally caught up in the thoughts that raced through her mind. “And now I know why you talk so much! Thought I’d never understand how you could just go on and on, never saying anything that mattered, just talking, talking, talking. There’s so much stuff in here!” She pointed at her head, barely pausing for breath. “I don’t know how you ever can shut up!”

 

“Takes practice, Donna.” The Doctor flicked her a look and sighed, wishing he dared leave her for a bit to go back and find Rose. He knew she’d been hurt and he’d not lived up to her expectations when they were in the library, but he just couldn’t seem to say the words to her. He had an unsettled feeling and wished he’d taken more time to try and make things right with her. Old habits were hard to break though, and instead he’d turned tail and ran from her with a feeble excuse. He reached out to his other self, feeling an unusual energy from his mind, but once again he was distracted by Donna.

 

“Ouchhhh,” she pressed her fingers to her temples briefly. “Hope this isn’t some kind of a Time Lord headache I’m getting, Doctor.” She closed her eyes, wincing. “Don’t know how you cope if it is.”

 

He was beside her in a moment, his fears leaping to life. “How is it, Donna? Bad?”

 

“Not yet.” She looked up at him, her eyes pained. “Got a human-Time Lord painkiller around here? Funny how it just snuck up on me like that.”

 

“Close your eyes,” he moved his fingertips lightly to her temples. “I’ll take care of it for you.” He closed his eyes and entered her mind, finding the stress on her brain was even greater than he’d feared. He moved lightly through her mind, removing parts of his consciousness in an attempt to ease and slow down the damage. What he found didn’t ease his fears much though, and he knew his time with her was shorter than he‘d hoped.

 

The Doctor lingered a moment longer, soothing her and placing a subconscious suggestion that she was tired and needed sleep. If her higher brain function was at rest, it would give him longer before she was at the point of extreme danger. He withdrew from her mind slowly, and brushed his fingers through her hair. “Better now?”

 

She nodded slowly, giving a sigh of relief.

 

“Good. That’s good.“ He kept his voice steady, hiding the pain that wracked him when he thought of how soon he’d be losing her. He had no intention of telling her ahead of time, knowing she’d never agree to let him wipe her mind, but there wasn’t a choice. He had too many deaths on his conscience, and he would not add Donna Noble, his closest friend, to that long list.

 

No, she would live out her life, not suffering any ill effects of having known him. She would also never be able to remember him, but it was a small price to pay. The only other option was burning up and suffering a horrifically painful brain death from attempting to contain the mind of a Time Lord. He pulled her close for a gentle hug, feeling like everything he cared for was slipping rapidly through his fingers.

 

“Doctor…I’m tired.” She yawned against his shoulder, then stood up. “I’m going to get some sleep. Busy day tomorrow, crossing the Void, making everything right again.”

 

“Yes,” he smiled sadly as she walked away. “Sleep well.”

 

She raised a hand in answer, and he turned back to the console, automatically checking the stability of the Rift. He’d been right to stay with Donna, watching for the first signs of the overloading of her consciousness. It was imperative that he remove it from her at the right moment and put her in an induced sleep until he could get her back to her Mum and Wilf. But first he had to get Jackie back to Pete in the parallel world, and return before the rift closed. Then there was the problem of the new, highly unpredictable human Doctor…

 

He tossed his glasses on the console and sat down on the jump seat, brooding. The only answer that might work was to leave him with Jackie in the parallel world, where she was already established and could help him along. Jackie Tyler was also the only being in the entirety of the multi-verses that he believed could handle that incarnation of himself.

 

Realizing he hadn’t connected with the other man in a while, he reached out through the link, at first confused by what he could sense. The other Doctor’s thoughts were unguarded for the first time since they’d left the Crucible, and they were erratic and wildly scattered.

 

He concentrated a little more to focus his attention, then gasped as an uncontrolled wave of sensation poured from the other man’s mind into his own. The intensity of the feeling shook him to the core, and the Doctor jumped up to go and stop him even though it was already far too late. He knew exactly what had just happened, and anger burned through him at the thought of it. This was completely and utterly unforgivable! What in Rassilon’s name did he think he was he doing, and how _dare_ he do it to Rose!

 

* * * *


	4. Journey's Beginning Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story picks up during ‘Journey’s End’, while the TARDIS is the core of the Dalek Crucible, and Donna Noble touched the bio-receptacle containing the Doctor’s hand. It goes A/U immediately after.  
> For a prompt for the Sisters of Guh Doctor/Rose End of Summer Smut-a-Thon 2010 on LJ. Prompt: From turtle_goose . Ninth Doctor (Alt)/Rose. AU Journey's End. The Hand became Nine.5 instead of Ten.5. He’s just as dark, brooding and possessive of Rose as his Time Lord self had been.

The human Doctor stretched out in the bed beside Rose, keeping as much of his body in contact with hers as possible. She was warm and soft, and he relaxed completely for the first time, floating in a haze of satisfaction and something else that might even be happiness. Leaning over, he kissed her thoroughly and tightened his arms around her. “You all right?” He murmured quietly.

 

“Wonderful, but ’m tired,” she smiled then yawned sleepily. “It’s been a stressful couple of weeks, months really. Need to relax.”

 

“You seem pretty relaxed now,” he grinned widely, staring down at her. “Any more relaxed and you’d be unconscious.”

 

Her eyes drifted closed despite her efforts to keep them open. “Workin’ on it.” She mumbled and buried her face in his chest. “So tired. ‘m afraid you might be gone when I wake up. Maybe it‘s all a dream.”

 

“Nope, not a dream. Sleep.” He held her close, already thinking about how to keep her with him. The human Doctor wasn‘t going to question why Rose had come to him, he was just thankful she had. She obviously cared for him a great deal; had even said she loved him. He wasn’t clear if she meant she loved both versions of him though, and it really wasn’t something he wanted to look at too closely.

 

In his mind, it was not possible that Rose had only come to him for physical release. That wasn’t the Rose he knew, no matter how much she’d changed since he‘d last seen her. Yes, she was a little older and a bit tougher, but underneath she was the same warm, loving girl he’d known before. It had been years since she’d seen him in either form, and hopefully the changes caused by the metacrisis would be ones she‘d value. Finally he could say all the things he’d wanted to tell her before and couldn’t.

 

He slipped his hand down over bottom, caressing her gently. The curves of her body had always fascinated him before, almost to the point of distraction. Now he could touch her in ways he had never allowed himself, no matter how much he may have wanted to do it. The Doctor was finding the sex drive of his new body to be incredibly powerful; there was nothing quite the same with which to compare in the physical realm of Gallifreyans. In some ways he almost pitied the Time Lord. Even if he allowed himself the intimacy of sexual relations, he wouldn’t experience the same all-consuming passion the human Doctor had.

 

It was amazing what sexual release could do, he realized. An hour before, he’d felt cheated and been ready to explode with anger. That frustration had been quickly converted to passion when he‘d made love to Rose, and now he felt positively amenable. Secretly he hoped when she awoke he‘d have another chance to improve her opinion of his love making skills. The loss of control was almost embarrassing, and he felt his body begin to harden again just thinking about it. He‘d have to get used to the riot of feelings that touching created in his new form. Just a look from her had made his single heart beat faster, and the sensation of her touching him intimately had made him come apart almost violently.

 

At the edge of his mind, the Doctor finally became aware of an insistent, very definite anger that was coming from the Time Lord. Belatedly he realized he’d let his mental shields drop, leaving his thoughts and feelings exposed for the other to see. He’d been so wrapped up in thinking about sex and Rose that he hadn’t paid any attention to the Time Lord. Shifting his attention to the other, he reached out to query what it was he wanted. The angry barrage that blasted through the link at him made him grit his teeth, and he sent back the mental equivalent of what Jack would call ‘flipping him the bird‘.

 

A dead silence followed that response, then one simple thought. ‘You come out, or I’ll come in.’

 

Momentarily, the new Doctor considered not moving and testing the other to see if he really would come into the room. Finally with a sigh, he reluctantly shifted Rose off him. She was sleeping peacefully with a slight smile on her lips, and he didn't think he'd ever seen anything so beautiful. He could feel the other waiting for him but lingered, taking time to cover her with a blanket. While pulling his jeans back on, he grimaced at the stickiness that had dried on his skin, wishing he had time for a shower. He had not the slightest bit of guilt over what he’d done with Rose, but he also didn’t relish pushing the Time Lord any further by smelling so obviously of sex.

 

Quietly, he finished dressing and kissed her again before slipping out the door. He sensed the other was in the console room, probably wearing a path in the floor, but the demands of his stomach were over-ruling those of the Time Lord. He went to the kitchen and rooted around in the refrigerator, pulling out the makings for a sandwich.

 

His stomach growled loudly and he felt like grumbling back at it. How could humans stand being ruled so completely by their bodies? Admittedly, some of the sensations were truly amazing but everything he experienced seemed so magnified and startling. It was a moment later when he heard the other man enter the room, but he didn’t turn around, just kept methodically building his sandwich creation with whatever seemed to appeal to him.

 

The Time Lord strode into the kitchen, barely containing his fury. He'd barely managed to restrain himself from bursting into the room-his bedroom- where the human had been mating with Rose. Only the thought of how she might feel held him back, but his level of anger had sky rocketed while waiting for his counterpart to notice he was attempting to communicate with him. The graphic images of Rose that had filled his mind caused his stomach to twist with an angry, burning emotion he wouldn't put a name to. 

 

“What. Have. You. Done.” The words shot from him in a harsh tone and he kept his distance, not trusting himself to get within arm's reach of the new Doctor. 

 

“Don’t know what you mean.” The blue-eyed man pressed his hand down on the sandwich, squashing it flat, then picked it up to take a large bite. “Got hungry. Made a sandwich. You got a problem with that?” He stared innocently at him.

 

“Don’t play games with me! I know you took advantage of Rose!” The original Doctor hissed, his dark eyes flashing. “What’ve you got to say before I throw you out into the next star cluster?”

 

“What happened with Rose is no business of yours.” The blue-eyed man kept eating, seemingly unperturbed. “So keep out of it.”

 

“Anything that affects Rose is my business! She’s my responsibility!” He moved closer to the other, his face thunderously dark. “If I find you’ve harmed her in any way…!”

 

“Don’t be stupid.” the human rolled his eyes. “I’m the same as you, and you know I’d never hurt her.”

 

“Rose was not yours to touch!” The other Doctor clenched his fists, his throat aching from the effort it took to keep from shouting. “How could you cross that line!”

 

“Your line, not mine anymore, remember?” The human Doctor told him bluntly. “And you wouldn’t have even known about it if you‘d kept your telepathy to yourself.” He tossed the remnants of his sandwich back down on the plate. “Maybe you can tell me why you felt the need to snoop around in the first place.”

 

“You complete…!” The next words weren’t ones the Tardis would translate, but none was necessary for either man. "I'm aware of everything you've been doing, whether I wanted to be or not!" The Time Lord was beside himself, partly because of the other’s nonchalance, and partly from the smell of sex that clung to him. “I know what you did, you were broadcasting loud enough to be heard in the next sector! How dare you touch her!”

 

“I dared because I was you, and we share the same feelings for her.” The new Doctor snapped back, holding on to his temper with no small effort. “I might be less than you in some ways, but in others I‘m more. I love her and I’m not afraid to tell her.” He gave the other a dangerous smile with no humor in it at all. “Maybe you should have tried it. ”

 

“You were me once!” The original Doctor spat at him. “I don’t know what you’re becoming, but your next stop is Pete’s World, and let Jackie Tyler have you!”

 

“You know that won’t happen unless I go along with it.” The human glowered at him and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll decide when and where I leave.”

 

“Oh, you’ll leave when we get there. I’ll make sure of it, no matter what.” The Time Lord ground out, gripping the countertop in an effort to regain control of himself. “I knew that you were the cost of saving the universe. I just didn’t realize the price to pay would be so high.” A wave of sadness rolled over the original Doctor and he was quiet for a moment before he continued. “You don’t even realize what you’ve done, do you?” He leaned back against the counter wearily, his shoulders sagging. “What if you’ve impregnated Rose? Did you try to protect her? Or didn’t you even think about that?”

 

The second Doctor opened his mouth to speak then snapped it shut again. The expression on his face made it easy to see that the possibility hadn’t even occurred to him. “No.” He finally admitted. “Not exactly a worry we’d have had before.” He shifted uneasily. “But I didn’t taste the change in her hormones that come with ovulation. Humans dump those all over the place. I‘d have known.”

 

“Well obviously that‘s not something you can sense anymore because I knew that she was.” The original Doctor rubbed his hands over his eyes defeatedly. “For the next 48 hours or so, she‘s in the most fertile time of her reproductive cycle. Guess where that puts you on the probability chart?”

 

“Yeah, I can do the math too,” the man in leather growled, feeling stunned and shaken. “You can just forget leaving me in Pete’s World. I’ll not be separated from Rose if…” He shook his head. “I just won’t.”

 

“You know the time schedule we’re on.” The Time Lord’s voice was quiet. “And Donna’s health has to come first before anything else.”

 

“I know it does, and I wouldn‘t have it any other way.” He replied heavily, turning to exit the room. “But I’ll not leave Rose, so don’t ask me to.”

 

“I knew that already.” The other man’s eyes were dark with sadness. “Because I feel the same way.”

 

* * * *

 

Rose awoke sometime later to find the bed empty next to her. She was about to get up when the mattress creaked gently beside her. Sleepily she reached for the Doctor, who was still damp from the shower. “Is it morning already?” She rubbed her eyes.

 

“No, we’ve a few hours before we've crossed the Void.” He leaned over to kiss her, but she turned her cheek to him instead.

 

“Need to...sorry.” Rose sat up abruptly and headed for the bathroom. “Give me five minutes.”

 

The Doctor laid down, realizing with some humor that she had the same issues on awakening that he’d had earlier. He heard the water running and closed his eyes waiting for her to return, while thinking about his conversation with the other Doctor. The idea that Rose could possibly conceive a child from their first encounter was almost too much for him. He didn’t know how she might feel about it, but he had no desire to start his life as a human by leaping into that level of domesticity. Forcing his thoughts to other subjects, he remembered to make sure his mental shields were firmly in place. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her, but he didn’t want any of his thoughts broadcasting back to the Time Lord. 

 

He must have dozed off for a bit, because the next thing he knew, Rose was sliding next to him, wrapped only in a towel. She kissed him and he responded eagerly, pulling her tight against him. “Oh Rose,” he mumbled against the skin of her neck. “You're beautiful." He eased her over, rolling so he was on top of her, and pulled her towel open. He kissed her feverishly, dipping his tongue into her mouth and breathing deeply of the scent that was uniquely her. “I want you so much.”

 

“I want you too.” She savored the weight of his body on hers and tugged his towel free from his waist. “Slower this time though, yeah?” Rose slid her hands down over him, moving to caress and squeeze his backside. “I want us to take our time.”

 

“Yeah.” He turned away, closing his eyes for a moment. “Takes some getting used to. Sorry about…you know.” He felt his face get hot.

 

“No,” she felt his embarrassment and immediately knew he’d taken her words as criticism. “Last time was…it was wild. Gorgeous. I wasn’t complaining at all.” She kissed him lingeringly. “I want to be able touch you this time though. Watch you and get to know you, what you like.”

 

“This body’s so new I think I can safely say there’s nothing you can do that I wouldn’t like,” he answered dryly. “So maybe you should let me get to know you first.” He raised up on his elbows, sliding down a bit so his erection wasn’t cradled directly in the heat between her thighs. “Let me learn every inch of you.”

 

The Doctor moved down to her breasts, taking one in his mouth while he stroked the other gently with his hand. He pulled at her nipple with his teeth, noting how it made her groan, and tweaked the other between his fingers. She tasted delicious and he could have spent hours just mapping her breasts with his tongue, delighting in each moan and sigh that slipped from her lips. Finally Rose moved her hips insistently and he moved further down over her stomach, attracted by the slick moisture he could feel between her legs.

 

He hovered over her parted thighs for a moment, desperately wanting to taste her, but couldn‘t remember if it was something humans preferred. He kissed her there, gently rubbing over her sex with his thumb and she bucked upwards, her hands slipping down to press into his hair. “This OK then?” He kissed her once more while spreading her legs open further.

 

“God….please, Doctor!” Rose wanted to clamp her thighs around his head at his hesitant touches. “Yes...don’t stop!” She tried to remain still and let him explore her in his own time, she really did, but it was nearly impossible to stay still. He spread her open with one hand, teasing her gently with his tongue and she held herself still as long as she could. Every bit of the heat in the universe was settling directly between her legs and the soft strokes of his lips and tongue were enough to make her scream. She bit her lip, pressing her hands against the back of his head. 

 

Encouraged, he slid his arms underneath her thighs, holding her to him and set to work. She bucked hard against him if he didn’t use enough pressure, so he found himself varying it just to get that reaction from her. He drank her in greedily, flicking his tongue over her in long strokes, pausing at her entrance. When he slipped his tongue inside her she tossed and groaned, so he slipped a finger inside her, testing.

 

“God, yes!” She whimpered, and a he found a fresh surge of moisture forthcoming.

 

“Can I make you orgasm this way, Rose?” He asked, already knowing the answer from the responses of her body but wanting to hear her say it. He moved his finger inside her, then added another, feeling how she shuddered and tightened around them.

 

“Yes, yes, yes!” She wanted to scream, but what came out was a breathy whimper. “Don’t stop. Please.” She slid her fingers through his close-cropped hair, her body straining and demanding and ohhhhh…

 

The Doctor was a quick learner. Every sound she’d made in response to each of his movements had been mentally filed away, not to be forgotten. He began to move his fingers rhythmically into her, steadily increasing the pressure of his tongue over her. Licking, sucking, nibbling at her most intimate spots, he urged her towards an explosion that would reward him with the very essence of her.

 

She moved in sync with him, unable to do anything else in response to the most complete and thorough exploration of her body she’d ever experienced. He backed his tongue off from her clit, sensing she was only a second away from release when she tightened convulsively around his fingers, gripping his head with both her hands and thighs. He plunged his hand into her harder, then pressed his mouth back to her, licking furiously at the spot he knew would send her over the edge.

 

Rose clamped herself around him, rolling half over on top of him as unbelievably heated pleasure exploded through her. She screamed his name as he continued with both mouth and fingers, greedily pulling every last bit of response from her. She was shaking from head to toe when she finally fell back against the bed, releasing her hold on him.

 

He waited for a moment, then licked over her clit again to see her response. “Ohhh…” she jerked and squealed, pushing him away. “No more, not now!” She closed her legs tightly, shuddering just from the friction of them rubbing together. “I need a minute to recover after that.” She sighed. “That was just...wow.”

 

The Doctor moved up beside her, putting one arm behind his head and trying to ignore his raging erection. At this point, it seemed as though all the blood in his body was currently surging to his groin and all he could think of was burying himself between Rose’s thighs. He cursed silently, remembering the other Doctor’s words about her ovulation cycle. There was a chance there wouldn’t be any repercussions from their earlier unprotected sex and he had no desire to further stack the odds in favor of conception.

 

He sighed and rolled over to face her. “I don‘t think I should. I mean, we shouldn‘t do this right now.”

 

“What?” Blinking, she stared up at him, having no clue why he would back away from her. “Why would you say  
something like that?”

 

“I…” he stumbled over his answer. “I wasn’t thinking before. I‘m human now. You could get pregnant. You know, with a child. From me.” The Doctor groaned inwardly, sure that was the most idiotic string of words to ever come out of his mouth, in any of his forms.

 

“Don‘t worry about it. I’ve done so much dimension jumping my cycle’s been off for ages. I‘m sure it‘s fine.” Rose watched his face flush and thought he was embarrassed. “Doctor, I’m glad we did this.” She slipped her hand over his abdomen, feeling the taut muscles jerk, but held back from moving any lower. “I don‘t regret it.” She looked into his eyes honestly. “Maybe we should have, I don’t know, talked more first?” She felt her face warm, remembering how she’d practically wrestled his clothes off him earlier. “But I‘m fine. More than fine.”

 

He pressed his hand over his erection as though that would help it go down. The sharp flash of pleasure that resulted from his own touch made him gasp and he pulled his hand away quickly.

 

“Want some help with that?” Rose grinned widely, her tongue caught between her teeth teasingly. “I think I owe you one.”

 

He nearly groaned out loud when she licked her lips. Dammit, he wanted her in the worst way, was she intending to do what he thought? The Doctor only had seconds to wait, then suddenly she was bent over him… was she really going to...? She kissed her way over his hip, caressing her fingers through the soft hair that trailed downwards. He gasped at the feeling of her lips moving close…so close… his entire world narrowed to the path she was kissing over his skin. Her hand closed over him, beginning to stroke gently and the first time her mouth touched his cock, his hips shot up off the bed. “Sorry,” he groaned when she pulled back and gave him a warning look. “Didn’t mean…”

 

Rose wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, stroking a little more firmly. “Just relax,” she instructed. “Let me handle this,” she tightened her fingers meaningfully, “so you won’t choke me.” She moved her mouth on his body, taking just the tip of him and swirling her tongue over it. The drops of fluid came faster and she fastidiously licked them away, making him hiss.

 

“Can‘t take much of this,” he panted, gripping the sheets in his hands in an effort to keep from pressing them into her hair. “Really can‘t, Rose.”

 

His entire body was taut and every touch of her lips made him want to shove his hips upwards in a way she’d already made clear she didn’t appreciate. Forcing himself to remain still, he concentrated only on the wild surges of pleasure shooting through him as she traced her tongue around and over the tip of his cock. “Oh Rose!” He groaned and she took him completely into her mouth, swallowing him all the way into her throat and then pulling back.

 

He felt his eyes roll back and he thought he might not survive as her head bobbed over him, working down and up, one hand stroking the base of him firmly while the other gently massaged his balls. When she increased the speed and pressure of her mouth on him, he swore he thought his heart kept stopping. He couldn’t help himself, jerking upwards into her hot mouth, getting so close so fast. Then there was no more thought, although he managed to moan a warning to her, wanting her to stop before he came. He tangled his hand in her hair as though to push her away but Rose resisted, intent on keeping him right where he was. She sucked harder, twisting her tongue over him, and he immediately lost all sense of anything but her mouth and hands on him. Seconds later he was coming so hard he wasn’t able to control the upward surges of his hips, shouting out her name as he finished. He froze, his body pulsing and shuddering as every muscle tautened then released. His mind ceased to function and he dropped back against the mattress, panting while he tried to regain his composure.

 

Rose kissed his hip and released him, wiping at her mouth delicately with the back of her hand. The sight of him spent and trembling was better than every fantasy she’d ever had, and she felt her heart clench almost painfully. For a second it flashed through her mind to wonder what the other Doctor might look like in the same situation and she shoved the thought away guiltily. The human Doctor was the one who wanted her, was absolutely free with his feelings for her…

 

He locked his arms around her, still trying to catch his breath as she lay beside him. “Rose, oh…” he murmured, “I never imagined…ever, that anything could feel like that.”

 

“Feels that way for me too, Doctor.” She traced one finger over his lower lip. “Making love with you, I’ve waited so many years for it. I wanted you when I first met you, but it never seemed to happen.” Rose trailed her hand to his chest, brushing through the sparse hair sprinkled over it. “Then after you regenerated, well, seemed like someone or something always came between us. I loved you but I didn’t ever think I’d have you.”

 

He finally opened his eyes and their color was such a deep blue she felt like she could drown in it. “You have me now, as long as you want me.” He pressed his hand to her cheek, then kissed her. The taste of him was still in her mouth but it wasn’t unpleasant. “I’ll always love you. Always.”

 

“I’ve loved you for a long time, Doctor. That‘s not gonna change.” Rose smiled and kissed him back before settling against his chest. She listened to the sound of his single heart beat, placing her hand over it, measuring its cadence. “Did you ever want to, y’know, do this with me before?” She asked softly. “You never acted as if you did.” She waited a moment, trying to phrase her question carefully. “The other you, him. Does he feel this way about sex and making love?”

 

The human Doctor caught his breath and went still beneath her. “It wasn’t the same thing for me then.” He finally replied, his thoughts going a hundred miles a minute, trying to decide what she was really asking. “When I was a Time Lord, physical sex could be pleasant but it wasn‘t like this. It wasn’t something of importance, really.”

 

“But did you want to do it with me?” She put her hand on his chest, resting her chin on it as she looked up at him. “Did you want me before?”

 

“It occurred to me at times,” He admitted. “But it’s not something I’d let myself do. I cared for you very much, but I couldn‘t do this.”

 

“And if you hadn‘t changed, you never would have, would you.” Rose‘s tone made the question into a statement, but couldn‘t mask her sadness.

 

“I think,” he brushed a lock of her hair back from her face, “that’s something you need to ask him.” The human Doctor sighed. “I am him Rose, or at least I was up to the point where I took this body. I am who you knew before, but now I’m also someone new, something different.”

 

“I understand.” She replied, and she did understand what he was saying. “Just have to get used to things, y’know?”

 

“I want to ask you something about how you see us, me and him.” He paused, trying to think of a way to word his question. “I know that you love him, the old me. But do you love me?”

 

Rose sat up, considering his words. “It’s complicated,” she began. “I know you’re him, I can still see him in you.” She bit her lip, trying to untangle what she meant in her head. “When you, that is my first you, regenerated and became him it was hard for me. You had the face of a stranger, and your personality was so different. It took me awhile to realize that I did love you, even though your body changed.” She looked down at the Doctor. “But when I saw you like this again, I felt like I’d regained someone I already loved and had lost. I didn‘t feel like you were someone I didn‘t know.”

 

“Which of us do you prefer?” He cringed as soon as the words came out of his mouth but he couldn’t help himself.

 

“That’s not a fair question.” She gave him a look. “You’re both the Doctor, and I loved you in both bodies. I won‘t say that I prefer one over the other. You‘re different but the same.”

 

“Good answer, Rose.” His mouth quirked upwards in a rueful grin. “You study political science in the other universe?”

 

She elbowed him in the ribs. “I can accept that there’s two of you, maybe because I met so many of you in other universes while I was jumping through dimensions.”

 

“Really?” He bent one arm under his head, watching her with interest. “I’ll sure want to hear those stories. How did you feel about them when you found them? Was it…like it was with me?”

 

“Of course not.” She rolled her eyes. “Yes, they were the Doctor in their universes, but they weren’t my Doctor. They weren’t you. The Doctor I love is the Doctor in this universe. Well, Doctors now.” She stressed the plural.

 

The human Doctor felt a twinge of jealousy at her allusion to the other Doctor. “Jack would be so proud to hear you say it like that.” He snorted. “Don’t know that I care much for it.”

 

“That’s new.” Rose tried not to smile. “Your eyes seem to have a bit of green in them. Must be the human in you coming out.”

 

“I’m not jealous.” He objected. “I’m not!”

 

“Sure you’re not.” She patted his chest. “But it’s nice to hear you say what you feel. Kind of a grumpy, possessive non-jealousy maybe, huh?”

 

“ ‘m not jealous, just don’t want to share you.” He pulled her down for a kiss. “Never wanted to before either, it’s just a much stronger feeling now.” He slipped his tongue in her mouth, feeling his body leap to attention when she relaxed against him. “Stronger and harder.” He flipped them over so she was underneath him. “So much harder.” He pressed himself against her lasciviously.

 

She laughed softly, tweaking his bum and giving him a long kiss. “It happens that I like it harder.” She gave him a positively filthy look. “I‘d go so far to say that I love it harder. The harder the better.”

 

Neither was prepared for the loud knock on the door that interrupted them. “We need to talk.” The Time Lord’s voice came through the door. “All three of us. I’ll be waiting for you in the library.”

 

Rose gasped and sat up quickly, her heart suddenly in her throat, pulse pounding. What if the Time Lord had overheard their conversation? Had he known all this time that she and the new Doctor had been in here? Did he know what they’d been doing? All this passed through her mind in a second, and she almost felt light-headed . One thing was for sure; she’d recognized the other Doctor‘s tone of voice and he certainly wasn’t happy.

 

* * * *


	5. Chapter 5--Complete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now complete! AU from the episode Journey's End, where the hand turned into Nine instead of Ten. And the Ninth Doctor knows what he wants, and that's Rose Tyler. The Tenth Doctor is less-than-pleased by this, and has to make some hard decisions. Not work safe, school safe, or child friendly. Written for the sistersofguh Doctor/Rose End of Summer Smut-a-thon.

* * * * * *

The Time Lord sat in the library, trying to make peace with the decision he’d wrestled with all evening. He'd felt pulled in different directions and he wanted Rose (oh how he wanted her!) but there were too many other things to consider. The human Doctor had to go; and the safest place for him was with people who had known him and would watch out for him. The Doctor had no intention of just dropping him somewhere alone, with no one to help him through the huge adjustments that were coming. 

Part of his conscience struggled with the decision because the other was his responsibility, but he just couldn't face it. In his mind, dealing with the human was like having the worst of himself staring back at him, questioning and challenging his decisions.

The object of his thoughts came in the room, throwing himself down on the sofa across from where he was sitting. “Y’know, for a Time Lord, you have the absolute worst timing.” He snorted, giving him a look. “Startin' to think you do it on purpose.”

 

“Time's getting short and we have things to settle.” The original Doctor ignored the veiled meaning behind the man’s words. “I owe Rose more than showing up on Pete’s World and dropping her off without discussing it.”

 

The Doctor in leather looked struck dumb. “You’re going to..?”

 

“Return her there, yes.” His jaw tightened. “With her family and friends. And with you. It’s the best plan I can think of with the clock ticking down the way it is. The Rift is going to close, Donna’s body is rejecting the Time Lord consciousness faster than I’d anticipated. And you,” he raised his hand and let it drop. “You can’t keep your hands off Rose even when everything we value is hanging in the balance.”

 

“I want Rose more than anything else.” The human said bluntly. “I know you’ll do the worrying for both of us when it comes to the rest.”

 

“That kind of singular thought is precisely why you’re so dangerous.”

 

“And you can't ever put yourself first, which is why she came to me.” The other Doctor stretched his hands behind his head giving him a calculating look. “I’m not stupid. She went to you before me, didn’t she?”

 

The Time Lord looked away, not wanting to think about how abruptly he‘d left Rose in the library. “You know what I’m dealing with and you know how I feel about her. I don’t have the luxury of indulging my feelings when everyone is depending on me.”

 

“Bollocks. We were always a fool before and you’re just going to continue being one now.” The blue-eyed man gave him a knowing look. “Not that I’m complaining, I don‘t want to share her. I’d give up everything to have her.”

 

“I can‘t do that.” The pain in the Doctor’s voice was palpable. “In the end it doesn‘t matter. It will be this way because it has to be. If I lose her now or in fifty or sixty years, I‘ll still lose her.” He was quiet for a moment, his hearts breaking at the thought, but he hid it as well as he could from his other self. “This way I know neither of you will be alone and you can live out your lives together.” He cleared his suddenly tight throat. “Where is Rose? I know she was with you.”

 

“Wanted to change clothes.” The other replied. “I think you’re underestimating her if you think you can just tell her what’s going to happen. She’s not the same as she was before and she wasn’t the easiest to convince then.”

 

“I know it's not going to be easy, I don't expect it to be. Go monitor our course.” He rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I’ll speak to her alone.”

 

* * * *

 

Rose hurried through a quick shower, her mind racing. The human Doctor had been annoyed by the Time Lord’s interruption, but not unsettled in the slightest. Something in his mannerism seemed resigned, almost as if he’d expected it. She however, had yanked the covers over herself as though the other Doctor had come into the room, instead of merely knocking on the door. Her heart was beating wildly and she'd flown out of the bed like a startled rabbit. 

 

Drying herself off quickly, Rose mentally sent a 'thank you' to the TARDIS when she found a fresh set of clothing from the wardrobe waiting for her on the bed. Her hands shook slightly as she pulled a sweater over her head and she tried to calm her nerves. She’d done nothing wrong. She wouldn’t apologize to him for what she’d done with the new Doctor. She’d gone to him first, been completely open and honest about her feelings for him and he’d practically run from her.

 

In the library she found her old Doctor standing at the fireplace, looking into the flames as though the answer to the universe’s problems were contained in them. He turned as she entered the room and she felt herself flush under his gaze. “Where’s the new Doctor?” She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling strangely vulnerable. “Thought you wanted to talk to both of us?”

 

“We‘ve already spoken. He’s keeping an eye on the Rift, now that we’re getting closer.” He hesitated then moved his arm to indicate she should take a seat on the couch. “I need to tell you what I’ve decided, explain why things have to be this way.” The Doctor waited for her as she arranged herself, tensely sitting on the edge of a cushion.

 

“And what way is that?” She asked quietly, her body still except for her hands which worked reflexively against each other. “What are you going to do?”

 

“The Rift is closing quickly. I’ve only got a certain amount of time to get Jackie back, and Donna isn’t well. Her brain can’t handle the Time Lord consciousness.” He kept his eyes on the floor. “I’ve got to remove it, and all her memories of me before her brain burns up from the strain.”

 

Rose’s eyes became huge as she took in his meaning. “But…will she remember what she’s done since she met you?”

 

“No. And she won’t be able to again. It’s her memories or her life.” He said bitterly.

 

“Have you told her?” Her voice was faint as she processed the idea.

 

“No, when the time comes I’ll do what’s necessary and get her back to her family. She’ll be fine, just won’t remember any of this.” He balled his hands into fists.

 

Rose leaned back, trying to imagine losing her history with him. “I think I’d rather die. I really do.”

 

“That’s not an option.” He replied fiercely. “She’ll live on, finish out her life the way she’s meant to.” The Doctor finally turned to look at her. “She’ll be with the people she loves, and that love her, and she’ll be happy. Donna will not die because of me.”

 

“ ‘s not fair.” She said quietly. “Isn’t there any other way? Any alien tech or something that can help?”

 

“If there was, I’d do it.” His face mirrored his distress. “She’s my best friend, Rose." The Doctor took her hand in his. "She helped pick me up when I lost you and I thought I’d rather..” 

 

He cut himself off, looking away and letting the words trail away before he said more than he'd intended. “She’s my best friend, and I’m doing what has to be done to protect her.” He held himself stiffly, as though he might fall to pieces if he didn’t.

 

She was silent for a long moment, knowing he was tearing himself up inside. “I guess it’s what you have to do then, right? No other choice.” She laced her fingers through his gently.

 

“No, there isn’t.” He leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. “And I’ve made a decision about the other me also; the human me.”

 

Rose felt a shiver run down her spine at his change in tone. His voice was harsher, became even more anguished. “What’s that?”

 

“I’m going to leave him in the other universe, in Pete’s World.” He avoided her eyes. “He’ll know your Mum and Pete, and if anyone can handle him, Jackie can.” The Doctor took a deep breath, his body becoming even more tense. “And I want you to stay with him too.”

 

His words hit her like a slap to the face and she sat stunned, forgetting how to breathe for a moment. “You...you want me to go?” Her breath exploded from her in a small sob. “After all it took for me to find you again, you’re going to make me go back?”

 

“He needs you,” The Doctor pulled her into his arms. “You said it yourself, he’s just like me when we first met. You made me better, and you can do it for him too.” He moved his thumb to wipe a tear that was trickling down her cheek, his hearts aching at the look of betrayal on her face.

 

“But I want to be with you!”

 

“He is me.” He admitted. “He’s me in that body. Everything I was, transferred over in that regeneration energy. Everything we ever did together, Rose, he’s also done because he was me. And he needs you.”

 

“But what about you, Doctor? What do you need?” She took a deep breath and raised her chin challengingly. “Don’t make this about him. This is about you an’ me.”

 

“It’s about what has to be.” He tried to sidestep her question, not wanting to explore it.

 

“Don’t tell me that.” Rose felt her hurt start to shift more towards anger. “That’s not an answer. You’re not going to make me believe this is about the cosmic ordering of the universe! This is about us, what we want.”

 

He withdrew from her, his arms dropping away. “It’s what’s best, Rose. In this whole tangled mess, even though you don’t realize it, it’s what will make you happiest.”

 

“And how do you know that?” Her voice trembled, and she fought against the tears that threatened. “How do you know me well enough after all these years to make decisions for me? What right have you to decide that he'll make me happy!”

 

The Doctor stood up, shoving his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. “Hasn’t he already?” He said simply. “You and he, you’re quite a bit more than friends, aren’t you?” He kept his expression bland, but inside his head he was already chastising himself for saying the words. He hadn’t meant to go there; had meant to take the high road and not give in to his jealousy.

 

She flushed but refused to look away. “You’ve told me since this began that you and he were the same person and I believed you. But since he took off his clothes, somehow he’s suddenly different than you?”

 

“We were the same person up until I sent the excess energy into the hand!” The Doctor growled, unable to restrain his feelings when Rose put her finger directly on the sore spot. “But it certainly wasn’t me you were shagging!”

 

“I told you how I felt, and you rejected me! You couldn’t get away fast enough!” She defended herself, then a thought struck her. “And what makes you think I shagged him?”

 

He looked at her, his eyes dark with suppressed emotion, and she stepped back in spite of herself. “Time Lord, Rose! I had a front row seat because we‘re telepathically linked!”

 

“You were SPYING on us?” She accused, veering back and forth between fury and mortification. “What gave you the right!”

 

“Believe me, I was NOT spying! That was the LAST thing I wanted to know anything about!” He growled angrily. “I couldn’t avoid it! One moment you’re telling me you love me and less than an hour later…THAT was thrown in my face!”

 

Rose sank back, drowning in humiliation as her anger and fight drained away. “I…I wanted...” She whispered, “I was so hurt…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I love you, and you didn’t want me.”

 

“Never think I didn’t want you, nothing could be farther from the truth.” His voice was rough and he looked away.

 

She didn’t respond, couldn’t have said a word at that moment to save her life. Mortification choked her, and Rose wished the floor would open up and swallow her. The silence stretched out, but still she didn’t speak.

 

The Doctor watched her uneasily, torn between comforting her and wanting to run from the room. “I’ve always wanted you Rose. I just can’t…“ He shook his head, frustrated at not being able to find the right words. “It’s better this way, I can’t give you what he can. I wish I could.”

 

“I wish you could too, but you won‘t even try.” She finally answered in a tight voice that didn’t sound like her own.

 

“There’s always something else demanding my attention. I couldn’t leave Donna alone tonight.” He looked over but her head was bent, a curtain of golden hair hiding her face from him.

 

“I understand.” She turned away, desperately trying to keep from breaking down.

 

“Oh, Rose!” The Doctor dropped down beside her and hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to be this way.” His voice was anguished; knowing he was causing her pain was more than he could bear.

 

She held herself stiffly for a moment, then sagged against him, burning hot tears slipping down her cheeks. For a moment she pretended it was the way it had been so many years ago--the Doctor holding and comforting her, keeping her safe from anything that threatened. Rose took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was so uniquely him, something that had faded from her memory over the years. It was far from being a comfort now though, knowing that she was going to lose him again and he was going to make her go.

 

Rose took deep breaths struggling for control, then finally moved away from him. “Please, just go.” She folded her arms across her chest. "I know you have to anyway." She couldn't look him in the eye, couldn't face whatever she might see there, it was just too painful. "I want to be alone."

 

* * * * 

 

The human Doctor stood at the TARDIS’ console, trailing his fingers over it gently. He’d tried to monitor the Time Lord’s conversation with Rose, but ran up against a telepathic stone wall there. It made him uneasy, not knowing what was going on but there was no help for it. He couldn’t predict Rose’s reaction simply because everything she’d done this far had been a surprise to him. Even though he loved her and had known her well in the past, he wasn't sure what to expect. Would she refuse to leave the Time Lord? And what would he do if she did?

 

Sensing his distress, the TARDIS wrapped his mind in a song of comfort and he relaxed in spite of himself. “What will I do without you?” He thought to her. She placed a picture in his head of a new growth of coral specifically formed for him and he smiled. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t be completely alone. It might take years of nursing the coral along, but there was a chance that eventually he’d have his own TARDIS, and could return to traveling the stars. Whether or not it would be adaptable to the parallel universe was a valid question, but growing it there from infancy gave it the best chance of flourishing. He also knew the TARDIS wouldn’t give him something useless; it was up to him to nurture it.

 

The new Doctor sat back on the jump seat, making adjustments to the controls on the console as necessary. They were getting very close to the breach between the universes and he knew it wouldn’t be much longer before it was time for him to separate from his old life. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on communicating with the ship, feeling a wrenching sense of loss at the thought of giving her up. The TARDIS lavished him with affection, then showed him glimpses of a glowing, golden timeline. He understood that it was his and Rose’s joined lives she was showing him, and although he couldn’t see absolutes, there was a sense of rightness and fulfillment in it. He stayed that way for some time, trying to make peace with his future until he felt the other Doctor return to the console room.

 

One glance at the Time Lord’s face told him it had not gone well. He avoided looking at the human and strode to the console, checking their flight. His shoulders were tense and even his superior mental shields couldn’t hold back the sense of sorrow and loss he was feeling. For a moment, brown eyes met blue, and the grief that passed between the two of them made the human’s stomach tighten. “I’m sorry.” He stood up, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I wish…” He stopped, unable to end the sentence.

 

“Do you?’ The older Doctor averted his gaze. “You can be completely assured that I do too.” His voice was quiet, his  
tone aching.

 

The human Doctor understood without the need for further conversation between them, after all, they’d been the same man for over 900 years. Pain was no stranger to them and was in fact more of a constant companion throughout their existence than any living presence. He moved over to the console and waited for the other Doctor to look at him. “Thank you,” he said with somber sincerity.

 

“Take care of yourself for her.” The Time Lord’s eyes were suspiciously bright. “And take care of her for…for both of us.”

 

“I will.” The new Doctor put his hand on the other’s shoulder, letting the touch say what he couldn’t.

 

“Go to her.” He turned away, fiddling with the controls under his hands. “She needs you.”

　

 

* * * *

 

It took a bit of searching before the human Doctor found Rose. She wasn’t in the library, wasn’t with Jackie (a fact that was shouted at him through the door in a very grumpy tone), and wasn’t in the Doctor’s bedroom. He finally found her in her old bedroom, gathering old pictures and mementos she’d left behind before. “Y’alright?” He stood in the doorway, noting her red-rimmed eyes.

 

“No.” She didn’t turn to look at him, just kept sorting through a drawer of old cosmetics and assorted small items. “ ‘m not.” She slammed the drawer with her knee and flopped down on her bed. “And don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry.”

 

“I won’t,” he moved towards her and gingerly sat down beside her. “You’re angry with me.” He said matter-of-factly when she continued to avoid his eyes.

 

“Yes…no…I don’t know!” She rested her head on her hands. "Does it matter?

 

"Matters to me, wouldn't have asked if it didn't." The Doctor wasn't sure what to say to her; this was the kind of situation he'd always avoided before. 

 

Rose picked at the bedspread, worrying it with her fingernail. “I’m angry and I’m hurt but it wasn’t you who did it.”

 

“Can I make it better?” He asked, edging a little closer to her so their thighs almost touched.

 

“Doesn’t feel like it’ll ever be better.” Her tone was bitter.

 

“Maybe not right now, but later?” The Doctor picked up her hand, pulling it over onto his lap.

 

After a moment, she nodded slowly. “Can you tell me how he can do this to me--to us?” Rose finally turned to look at him. “Just turn his back and leave without looking back?”

 

He looked at her for a long moment. “I could, and maybe I will someday, but will that make it better?” When she didn’t answer, he traced his fingers over her hand, then held it flat against hers to compare the size. “So small,” he murmured, completely absorbed in the sight of their hands together. “I remember the first time I took your hand. I said ‘run’. You didn’t think twice. Just grabbed onto me and ran as fast as your legs could carry you.”

 

“Yeah,” she shot him a sideways glance. “With a horde of plastic people chasing me, it was quite the motivation. I didn’t even have to think about it.”

 

“So it wasn’t my charm that convinced you?” He teased her gently. “You always run away with strange men that grab your hand?”

 

“None stranger than you.” She shot back at him, and he bumped his shoulder lightly against hers. After a moment, she turned to face him fully. “Do you feel the way I do, Doctor? Like you’re being ripped in half?”

 

“Sorta, yeah.” He admitted. “Can’t change what’s happened though, so I’m trying to look ahead.” He laced his fingers between hers. “A regular life. Two a.m., catching a taxi home--never thought I’d live like that.” He looked away from her this time, his shoulders sagging slightly. “Never thought I’d want to either. But maybe it’ll be ok. Long as it’s you getting in the taxi with me, Rose.”

 

“You think?” She felt his fingers tighten around hers. “Just ok?”

 

“Molto bene.” He gave her a goofy grin, and she found herself smiling back at him in spite of herself.

 

“That just doesn’t sound right coming from you.” She leaned over onto his shoulder. “How ‘bout just ‘fantastic’ instead?”

 

“That too,” The Doctor hugged her to his side. “We’ll get there.” He kissed her forehead and just held her silently for long moments, resting his chin on top of her head. "Might not be easy for either one of us, but it's not as hard as being the one left alone."

 

"He's choosing to be alone!" She pulled back and looked up at him. "You're not going to make me feel sorry for him when it's HIM doing it!"

 

"I've been him," he reminded her, "and I know what he's feeling. It's not easy for him to let you go, Rose. Probably one of the hardest things we've ever done." The Doctor's eyes were a somber sea of blue. "I can tell you that for a fact."

 

"I don't see why we can't all stay together!" She replied. "You're no more dangerous than him!"

 

He thought for a minute. "You know about wolves and how they live in a pack, right? There's one alpha male that gets first dibs on everything, he's only one in the pack that gets to breed with the alpha female wolf."

 

"Yeah, so?" Rose thought she knew where he was going with it, but wasn't ready to give in.

 

"So, if we’re the woves, an’ there's three of us, me, him and you, what happens?" He sat back and crossed his arms and waited.

 

"I'm the alpha female so I get two alpha males?" She gave him a look, daring him to disagree.

 

"When it comes to you, Rose, you can be sure neither of us is housebroken." He chuckled. "And neither of us would be willing to let the other be your alpha male." 

 

"Yeah, saw a little bit of that tonight." She thought back to the restrained fury in the Time Lord's eyes when he'd informed her he knew what she'd done with his human counterpart. "He wasn't too pleased when he told me he knew that you and I...well, you know."

 

"He was ready to toss me out of the TARDIS, straight into the vortex." The Doctor nodded. "And I'd feel the same way if it had been me. 'Course if it'd been me, I'd probably have tried it."

 

"No you wouldn't," she smiled a bit at the thought of either Doctor behaving that way over her.

 

"Oh, you can be sure if we stayed together too long, it wouldn't be pretty. We‘d end up fighting over you." He stared at her, his eyes darkening. "I'd better tell you now, Rose, I don't want to share you with anyone." 

 

She caught her breath at the look in his eyes. There was hunger, love and possession in that gaze, a combination that made her feel both weak in the knees and powerful at the same time. To know that she was the one that made him want that way, well, it was pretty damned exciting. "I think," she leaned over and re-captured his hand, "that I don't want to share you with anyone either."

 

"I don't think that's gonna be a problem." He leaned in and kissed her. "I think I'm gonna try and keep you exhausted while I'm breaking this new body in."

 

"I know I'll enjoy that." Rose slipped her hands inside his leather jacket, stroking his sides. "You're a fast learner."

 

Around them, the TARDIS began to shudder, interrupting their flirtation as the ride becoming noticeably rougher. "Whose side are you on?" The Doctor complained to the TARDIS. When the flight didn't smooth out, he sighed regretfully. “I need to go help him pilot, we're getting ready to go through the Rift.” He tipped her chin up. “You gonna be all right?”

 

“I guess so, maybe. Eventually.” She gave him a half-hearted smile. “What about you?”

 

“Maybe sooner than that. I’ve got you.” He squeezed her hand then stood up, gesturing at the pile of things Rose had sorted out from her drawers. "Put those in the bag in my bedroom, then get your Mum moving and fill her in, I bet she‘ll be thrilled to have me tagging along.” The Doctor shuddered noticeably at the thought. “I can just imagine all the things she‘ll have to say.” He looked miserable, thinking of a future that included Jackie Tyler on what he could assume would be a very regular basis.

 

“You won‘t have to imagine them.” Rose finally gave him a real smile, tongue tucked between her teeth. “She’ll repeat them all for you, several times.”

 

“Yeah,” he grunted and stood up, crossing the room in a few steps. “Can’t wait.”

 

* * * *

 

The human Doctor joined the Time Lord at the console, taking one side of the controls. Neither spoke aloud, both concentrating and moving in perfect synchronicity to guide the ship through the Rift. It was rough, but with both of them at the controls, it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been before. The human Doctor leaned over and tapped some controls, recording the flight. "Follow this same path on the return trip, it should make it easier for you to handle alone.”

 

“We’ll have to be quick once we land.” The Doctor looked up at the man in leather. “But yeah, that’ll help.”

 

The human stared down at the controls, not really seeing the dials and buttons in front of him. “When you get back, and take Donna back…” he paused, choosing his words carefully. “Find someone else. Don’t stay alone. Wasn’t ever good for us.”

 

“No.” The other man busied himself at the computer screen. “I can’t go through this again. I’m not going to risk anyone else.” He slid his glasses on, feigning interest in the view of the Rift growing larger on the screen. “I’ll go on alone.”

 

“Not a good idea, we don’t always know where to draw the line.” The new Doctor commented but didn’t press any further. It was always hardest arguing with yourself, he mused.

 

Their path got rougher, and the TARDIS pitched almost sideways as she breached the walls between universes. Both men moved quickly trying to stabilize her as sparks flew from the console. “Come on, hold together girl.” The human murmured softly when there was a lull in the bouncing. Hoping to minimize the damage, he pulled the pilfered sonic screwdriver out and quickly repaired the broken wires. When the next pummeling began, it wasn‘t quite as harsh as the last, and both Doctors breathed a small sigh of relief.

 

When they were joined by Jackie, Rose and Donna, the worst of the journey was already over. Within a matter of minutes, they’d landed “in the bloody back of beyond”, as Jackie referred to it when she opened the door and saw Bad Wolf Bay.

 

“Rose, please.” The Time Lord caught her hand and drew her over to the console as the others began filing out. “Give me a minute.”

 

Now that the moment had arrived to say goodbye, Rose wasn’t sure she could handle it. “It’s time, Doctor.” She jammed her hands into the pockets of her jeans, her eyes filling with tears despite her best effort to stay in control. “Sure you want it to be this way?”

 

He touched her face and replied softly, “I don’t want it to be this way, it has to be this way.” His voice trembled and he pulled her into a crushing hug. “Oh Rose,” he buried his face against her neck. “I…” He held her tighter. “What we were talking about earlier…I do…please never doubt that.”

 

She leaned back slightly so she could see his face. “I do too, Doctor.” Once more, tears slipped down her cheeks, and suddenly he was kissing her fiercely, like it might be the last thing he’d ever do. They clung together until the TARDIS chimed softly, warning him that their time was nearly up.

 

“I’m not going out there. I want to remember you right at this moment.” The Doctor’s eyes spoke volumes to her, telling her everything he couldn’t say. “Be fantastic, Rose. For me.”

 

“I‘ll try.” She answered softly, bravely trying to smile for him. “I promise.” She gave him one more kiss and a long hug, then turned and walked out the doors without looking back.

 

Donna was hugging the human Doctor goodbye, then turned and hugged Rose too. “I think you’re getting the better end of the deal,” she whispered to her. “That skinny streak of nothing in there?” She rolled her eyes expressively. “That one,” she made a small gesture towards the new Doctor, “he’s got something to hold on to.” She grinned widely.

 

Rose laughed and hugged her back warmly. “Take care of yourself, Donna.” She felt her eyes welling up again and wished she didn’t know what was ahead of the older woman. “I’m gonna miss you.” Her throat felt thick, and she couldn't say any more.

 

“I’ll take care of him for you.” The redhead promised her. “Don’t you worry. Go have the life he wants you to have.” She hesitated for a moment, then gave the group a small smile before turning away.

 

Rose watched as Donna re-entered the TARDIS and didn’t look away as it began to de-materialize. Warm, strong arms wrapped around her waist from behind as the human Doctor took his place next to her. Once the ship had completely faded from sight, she looked up at him. “It’s over,” She whispered. “It’s really over.”

 

“No, it’s just begun.” He held her tightly. “It’s all new.” He leaned over to kiss her, glad that Jackie had walked ahead to give them some privacy as she called Pete on her cell phone.

 

“But what do we do now?” She looked up at him, tears sparkling in her eyes.

 

The Doctor moved his thumb across her cheek, wiping it dry. “We’ll start back at the beginning, Rose. Together.” He released her and picked up his bag, slinging the straps over one shoulder. “You and me, the Doctor and Rose, and this time it‘ll be the way I wished it could have been before.” He wrapped his hand around hers and his tone was firm. “You ready?”

 

“Ready?” She barely had time to get the word out of her mouth when she felt him start to pull her along in the direction Jackie had gone.

 

He looked down at her with a grin stretched across his face, as he remembered a moment from long ago. “Rose Tyler, run!"


End file.
